Thursday, October 9, 2008

First Draft: The Meaning of Friendship



Friends are those who always cheers up my life. My life has become more meaningful with friends around me. I enjoy meeting new people and later make them as my friends. I want to have as many friend as I can.
There are many types of friends. There are friends who are willing to share their happiness and sadness with you. I am glad to have such friends. They always help me whenever I have problems. No matter what kind of problems it was. I can seek for their help and advice and even share my feeling with them.
They taught me the real meaning of friendship. I found honesty within them. I appreciate them and afraid of losing them as my friend. Maybe you may also have found friends whom taught you the real meaning of friendship.
Although some of them are now staying far away from me, I still can contact them with the help of technology. We can communicate with each other and share our stories. However, I still miss the moment when we can sit together and talk face to face. Laugh and cry together...
I hope maybe one day we I can meet my friends and spend our time together..

7 comments:

persona non grata said...

i think, your article will be more interesting if you add more information about your friendship. maybe you can tell us about your sweet memories with your friends, what makes u like her/him as your friends and so on. what is the most unforgettable moment with ur friends?

babysbreath said...

I agree with persona nan grata, maybe you can add some memories of you and your friends.
And maybe you could add some elaborate more on the types of friends

yagami said...

I agree with them, maybe you can write down one of the most memorable memories in your life and how it shows the spirit of friendship to the readers.

onekyh said...

Well, I agree with all of you.Actually, you described your post in general and there is nothing wrong with it. It is just that, it will be more interesting if you could include your own experiences. It is because experiences will help all of us to learn from it better.

fahmi said...

First of all i want to say sorry, cause i think your essay was to short and to general.

from my opinion if you want to write this topic in general, you should change your tittle to type of friend. so you can just explain types of friends and give a few example

if u want to stick with this tittle, you make a long story. to make much more effective you must tell how your friends become so meaningful to you

lupikirlah sendiri said...

nice topic but u forgot to mention other types of frens. ur essay should contain appropriate topic sentence and the elaboratiion ok. put same proportion of words in one paragraph too k, good luck!!!

hanmie7227 said...

Hi,

Hmm….after reading your entry, there are a few things that I want to comment. I think your writing is too general. Just like others, it is better if you explain it mores. It is much better if you could put your examples in your writing. It does not matter whether it comes from your experiences or you are taking it from movie.

For your introduction, it is lovely if you can spice it a bit with a story of a friendship, or maybe with lyrics about a friendship or anything.


Besides, elaborate more about your feeling. What your writing lacks right now is expression of feeling. I know that you want to say how you miss your friends so much. But that’s all. It is very nice if you could explain the feeling itself so that the feeling you have for your friends could be reached to readers. For example is this sentence. I can feel that it is not complete.

E.g. However, I still miss the moment when we can sit together and talk face to face. Laugh and cry together…


Hope I can see your improvement in your second draft. Please point up if I make any mistakes in comment. We are learning after all.