Monday, October 13, 2008

Second Draft: The Meaning of Friendship

Friends are those who always cheers up my life. My life has become more meaningful with friends around me. I enjoy meeting new people and later make them as my friends. I want to have as many friend as I can. Besides that, I will ensure to maintain my friendship with those who are already my friends. It is good to have as many friends as you can.

There are many types of friends. There are friends who are willing to share their happiness and sadness with you. I am glad to have such friends. They always help me whenever I have problems. No matter what kind of problems it was. I can seek for their help and advice and even share my feelings with them.

There was not long ago when my mother has been diagnosed with advanced kidney failure. My life seems to turn upside down. My family were running out of money as the dialysis treatment required a large amount of money. I felt devastated looking how my mother suffers from the disease. Some of my friends lend me some money and those who could not lend money give me moral support to go through the problems. It means a lot to me.

They taught me the real meaning of friendship. I found honesty within them. I appreciate them and afraid of losing them as my friend. Maybe you may also have found friends whom taught you the real meaning of friendship. Honest friend are hard to find nowadays. I am glad to have so many friends that are always being honest with me.

Although some of them are now staying far away from me, I still can contact them with the help of technology. We can communicate with each other and share our stories. However, I still miss the moment when we can sit together and talk face to face. Laugh and cry together. I am so happy to know that most of them are now sucessfully working in various kind of professions. In addtion, there are still some of them who are still studying and even struggling to pursue their masters.

I hope maybe one day we I can meet my friends and spend our time together..


Anonymous said...

:) WoW!!! a total makeover from the previous version

fahmi said...

this time have improvement. still many can be improve to make your blog much more fun to read. you also should put your happy memory with friend. if have time include also bad memory about friend

babysbreath said...

From the introduction, it already tells us about the topic you are going to talk about. You also stated your opinion about friends. In my opinion you have organized your essay well. There is a flow. However in my opinion, there is a part about types of friends that is missing. In the 3rd paragraph you started with your life experience. It will be more interesting if you can add a little intro to the paragraph so that you can relate the paragraph with the previous para.

Your essay was quite simple. u have used simple words and short sentences that makes reading and understanding the story easy. I really enjoyed reading it. there is also a flow in the story.

hanmie7227 said...

Excellent! There are improvement in your essay. You started your essay with a quotation about friend, am I right. Besides, you add stories in your essay. That is awesome. Keep up good work on it.

In your essay, I noticed that there are minor grammatical mistakes. Examples are the word successfully which is wrong spelled; many friend should be many friends.

Good organization in your essay. It flows really well. There is unity or paragraph development and the essay is quite coherence except between paragraph 3 and 4. It seemed something wrong here. Maybe you should add up something here so that it relates to the previous paragraph where you tell your experiences with your friends in there and how it relates with what your friends taught you about the meaning of friendship. Just like what others said, add up another experiences that you found the real meaning of friendship.

yagami said...

A good improvement, you have put one example in your entry. It would be better if you give more description in the example. for next improvement, maybe you can write experience about freinds who back-stabbed you

persona non grata said...

your 2nd draft is better than previous draft. maybe in 3rd draft u need to add some information about your friends such as an unforgettable moment with your friends and what are the quality of your friend that u like?

u should check some spelling error in your article.

nEuRuLe @z@Ni said...

yeah..i agree with all other bloggers..u have improved..but still too general.. it would be more meaninful if u can start the paragraph with a sad or memorable story of u and one of your best friend, andthen you can elaborate the meaning of friendshipto you. then u can insert your feeings or emotion. put some sayiings, poem,or song. you can improve by adding some complex sentences on certain parts. so that ur story will be interesting. you can put some rethoric question and of course u answer it as ur personal thought..grammar mistakes all of us including me, im still improving.. goood luck

onekyh said...

Short and simple. You have improved from your grammatical aspect and essay organisation. There are still minor grammatical errors. However, you can improved on it.

Maybe you could elaborate more on the types of friend, to make it more interesting.

Anonymous said...

1.There are many types of friends. There are friends who are willing to share their happiness and sadness with you.

u said there r many types of frenz but u only mention frenz who r willing 2 share their xperience, myb u could add some more examples like, backstabbing frenz, hypocrite frenz, mulut laser frenzzz